I Did Love Again
by lparrilla
Summary: In her solitude, she realised that they were but a fleeting dream that slowly faded with each breath they drew, each touch they shared, and each kiss they parted from. A collection of OQ shorts.


**AN**: First of all, I am so sorry for anyone (is there really anyone lol) who was hoping this was an update for It's Nice to Have Family in Town. I don't think I'll be continuing that fic for now because I have zero inspiration and I write terribly with no inspiration so I'm sorry. If one day I feel like I can write something nice, I'll continue it, until then it's on hiatus indefinitely. I might write more of other ships meanwhile. For now, have some Regina x Robin :D (this may or may not have been spurred by Lizi's outlaw queen fic titled Destined to Pay, go check it out if you haven't!)

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In her solitude, she realised that they were but a fleeting dream that slowly faded with each breath they drew, each touch they shared, and each kiss they parted from. She knew – maybe he did too – that it wouldn't last, not for long, but it didn't deter the need to fall into pieces in each other's arms. They were drawn to each other like the setting sun was to the distant edge despite knowing that they would never touch the ground for the world was round and no matter how hard they tried, they would never find a place where they could stand rooted together safely on hard terrain.

Among all the things the world could have had a hand in ascertaining, it chose them to keep apart.

Tragic. She was sure she'd never find happiness once more after the first time around, but she did. She felt her restored faith ebb away and the darkness creep slowly back in. Part of her thinks it was merely waiting outside the door, a creak away from finding its way back into her haven. She thought she'd learned that helplessness was inevitable but a spark was lit and the hope and innocence that bloomed within her all those years ago became a blazing fire, blinding in the darkness, yet like a breath on glass it disappeared quickly.

_Still naive. Still hoping and believing in second chances. Still haven__'__t learned. _The same words echoed in the back of her mind, punching and kicking her guts until she felt numb. The words kept coming, kept hurting until she felt like vomiting. Why does she do this to herself? Why does the world keep doing this to her? Why did she believe? Why isn't she allowed to? Why, why, _why_. The questions inside her mind screamed loudly, filling her head until there was no space and the tears fell down with no resistance. She slowly stripped herself off the clothes that seemed to weigh her down – or was that the weight of her thoughts? She couldn't tell – and collapsed on her bed, pulling a pillow close, as close as he once was, and dug her nails deeply into the fabric. It didn't give her the warmth she needed to feel. She told herself it doesn't matter anymore, that she'll get through this and be alright soon enough.

By the time "soon enough" rolled around, she was her again. The tears, as well as the tear-drenched makeup, had dried off and no evidence of them remained on her pristine cheeks. A sense of control returned to her and she could feel it at her fingertips. She had managed to repair herself, though like all things that have been mended, it was a matter of time until she would break down again. After all, a heart – even a resilient one – can only be repaired so many times before it's beyond hope of restoration.

Occasionally, she would emerge from her big, empty manor, and he would emerge from the silence of the forest where he would wage an unending war within his psyche as he roamed around endlessly, in hopes he'd catch even a glimpse of her from afar. He'd draw himself closer to narrow the distance but before he ever got close enough to admire her features, he would take a step backward before turning his back on her. In doing so, he never knew that her eyes always found their way to his figure, no matter how far his legs had taken him and how swiftly he moved.

For many more times to come, they would repeat the same course of action. Noticing each other without a greeting, never exchanging anything more than looks, yearning for this all to be a horrifying nightmare, and only that, to no avail. Sometimes they would come up with a string or two of words they could force out of their mouth until they thought better of it. He wanted to make sure she was alright and that the thought of tossing her aside would never ever cross his mind. She wanted to tell him she can't make him choose and doesn't want to imagine what he would say, wanted to mute the selfishness that yelled from within her head and tell him to be with his wife. She could utter the words, she knows, though it wouldn't reflect her inner thoughts very well. Although, despite the fact that she felt anger, betrayal, and mostly, frustration, she could not wish for death to take away her soulmate's first love.

Especially not after the look on Robin's face when he heard that she was responsible for Marian's death where for a second, the eyes that knew her so inexplicably well shifted into eyes that took her for a stranger. At that moment, the anger in her had vanished so quickly as the pain surged from within. She didn't want to, never would want to, and had never intended to hurt him. But she did. So all she could do was walk away. She wanted to run, not because her murderous past was brought back to the surface – despite her recent advances towards goodness, she hadn't quite reflected on her past and expressed remorse over her actions and misguided cognitions – but because for a while, she truly believed that there was finally one person she loved in this world who she had not hurt. Someone could love her and make the wretchedness of the world less noticeable and her life more pleasant to live. Of course, that was all just a sweet little dream detached from the merciless reality.

She could love again and she did. But that someone wasn't hers anymore, actually never was to begin with.

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**AN**: It's rather short because there are no dialogues otherwise you'd be bored to death lol. Hope you liked it. Reviews are always welcome, I love to read others' thoughts (especially if you disagree with me, I don't know if that makes sense). Thank you for reading!


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